I am a fool I thought

I should have known it works like this

holed up in my room

cold

because of the damp 

the landlord won’t sort out

short of breath also,

asthma

because of the damp

Channel 4 would have a field day

I think

stuffing earplugs down my ears

against the barrage from above

but I can’t think

of any of that

or that

I am running out of money

because they changed how we work at work

and didn’t tell us until they’d done it

now we are all worse off

but everyone can’t say anything

no, I can’t think of any of that

nor how the tax trouble me and steal my money

or how I might be a narcissist [Sam Vaknin]

or a depressive and need help 

I can’t think of that

because I found out whilst I was thinking all of that

you were but 5 minutes down the road

so close we could breath each other’s air

sit in the same seats

walk the same pavements

and I was so happy

in spite of all the pain, the anger

the thick thick thick pain

I was so happy when I thought you had been near

and that told me so much 

it told me so much and yet 

the next day

nothing

an empty space where the happiness was

where the relief was

because you make me feel relieved

and I should have known

I should have know that what keeps me warm

dies out, crumbles to dust

and is nothing but a cold fireplace in the morning

I look in my room

at the boarded up fireplace

it’s a metaphor for everything, isn’t it?

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